Dear Gmail - Inbox (1): go die in a fire.

This is an email I sent to a dear friend of mine that really accurately captures my hatred of this waiting game I've been playing. I sent it two months ago, but the sentiments are the same.

Hello, my lovely!

I’m just sitting at work, bored and completely unproductive, because a law school should be issuing its decision to me ANY MINUTE NOW, and I can’t stop myself from obsessively checking either my gmail account or my status checker. It’s not like I want to even go to this particular school (DePaul, in Chicago). I mean, Chicago is cold, and it’s far away from California, and DePaul isn’t even that highly ranked. I’ve gotten in to better schools already! It’s just that I have a completely addictive/compulsive personality, and can’t help myself. Plus, patience has never been my strong suit.

So anyway, I’m just distracting myself by writing you a fun little email, but every now and then a little icon (1) pops up next to my Inbox, and I freak out thinking it’s the decision, only to find out that Sephora is having a sale, eBay wants to remind me about a watched item, and facebook wants me to know someone likes the stuff I write. Grrrrr. My body is freaking out because my heart rate keeps spiking and then slowing, every time I see a little (1).

My life is so sad.

But the thing is, I think law schools totally get off on the agony and anxiousness of potential law students. Really, they must. Why else would they issue a “Decision Rendered” status update on your status checker, and then just LEAVE it there for four or five hours before actually telling you what the decision is? [NOTE: IT JUST HAPPENED AGAIN! UGH]. It’s like, they HAVE to know what the decision is if they know that the decision has been made. So if they’re going to go to all that trouble of updating it to say that we have “a” decision, why not just tell us which decision it is!?

Can you tell that this whole cycle of applications is literally driving me nuts?

All right, well, I j… IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

Anyway, I’m going to go now, because I’m getting neurotic, and really all I wanted to do was say hi and I miss you, and I hope you’re doing well, and I need to go get some lunch. Not that me leaving will distract me from compulsively checking, because my email gets delivered to my phone.

I just typed that SO fast because I wanted to get through a thought without another email making me paranoid.

xoxoxoxoxoxo love you!